When You Think You’ve Hit Rock Bottom and the Universe Laughs

*This is going to be the title of the third book I’m writing. It has to be.

Trigger warning:  suicidal thoughts

This post wasn’t intentional. I didn’t want to start the new year off like this, in fact I had a post ready to go for today but life happened. Life really happened. Life hit me hard in the form of a new year anxiety attack that was unlike anything I’ve experienced. I spent half an hour on my bathroom floor crying because I’m not where I need to be and I have so many responsibilities that I’m neglecting and I was seriously considered ending my own life. I don’t think I’ve ever written those words on an open forum…. Maybe on Tumblr back in the day but never as an adult. Suicidal thoughts during an anxiety attack are not new to me….. Normally I can talk myself down but this time it wasn’t easy. I’m writing about this because I’m starting to realize that I don’t have a lot of coping mechanisms and that’s something I need to work on. This quarter life crisis is definitely serving as a teacher on coping mechanisms, self love and dealing with relationships. I have another, longer post about what 2016 taught me that is going live Thursday but I really just wanted to put this out there today so I can start my new year series. I’m going to spend the day today cleaning, paying bills, and trying to get some sunshine and hopefully put my toes in some wet grass. (Random fact I’m a huge fan of earthing and honestly I believe in a past life I was a plant. I was going to explain here but I think I will write a whole post on it.) I hope you guys are having a great new year and that all your resolutions come true. I’ll be back Thursday.

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