Let me tell y’all something. I had a Beyonce moment. At the beginning of Hold Up Bey talks about all the things she “did” to make herself better for Jay and honestly…. It’s the best part of the album. There, I said it. I had this moment, laying in bed reliving my most recent breakup.
I’m one of those obsessive girlfriends in a relationship. I like tons of attention and require uninterrupted us time but it can be a little much for the other party involved (classic Scorpio problems). This breakup ended with my saying I needed to find myself which is true. I’ve been on a quest to figure myself out pretty much since I started this blog. I mean, it is about my quarter life crisis which is still very much in full effect. Anyway, I’ve been laying around for like the past 3 months try to figure out what I’m doing with my life, where I want to be in my life, how my life is going and will anybody ever love me. Yesterday this all came to a head. I was laying in my bed thinking about everything that was going on when I had an epiphany. It was a moment of clarity that I have not had in awhile.
I’ve been looking for the type of love that I could only give myself
You guys, this was huge. This was insane for me. It was like I had been living in the dark and I was finally on the other side. My clingy, obsessive, “why did it take 10 minutes to text me back” nature was what I thought I needed from other people when I honestly needed it from myself. I should have been texting myself back, taking myself on dates, fucking myself, providing myself with the things I needed instead of waiting for someone to do it for me. Mind. Blown. I’ve always been the type of girl who needs to be wanted and not needed. I need to be a priority and honestly it’s too much and not enough at the same time. Hear me out, your significant other should be in your top 3. You just have to make sure you’re number one. What I’m saying here isn’t new, it’s all over the internet and in every self care book but I never got it. It never clicked with me the way it did last night. As a girl who spent almost 10 years in a relationship I don’t know what it’s like to be a single adult. I’m 26 and I have freedoms that are so new to me. Look I’m writing blog posts because I’m not attached to my phone or depressed because I wasn’t getting the attention I needed!
Lets talk about The Year of You
Okay, MarissaLace has a series on her YouTube channel that’s called the Year of You and I’ve been watching off and on, once again not really absorbing what was being said because I wasn’t ready for my lesson (btw, I get what people mean when they say you have to be ready for a message. I’m just opening my eyes to all the cliches now!). This series is full of so many books, podcasts, foods, aromatherapy, life lessons and pretty much all the things you will need to become your best you. The concept of dedicating a year of your life to yourself is not new and there are several other authors and motivators with ways to start your journey but I love the way Marissa presented everything she was doing.
Where do we go from here?
Today, October 1st, makes 25 days until my 27th birthday. I was going to wait and start this journey on my birthday but I don’t want to put it off. I don’t want to wait until the beginning of a “new year” and just ignore the beginning of a new month. So I am declaring October 1 2016 – October 2017 my year of me. This is my opportunity to correct any behaviors that I don’t love about myself, tackle life goals that I have put off because of a lack of time or energy, read books that I have been neglecting and finally start on the college degree I have been putting off. I know everyone says that the new year is going to be different but I’m putting my life into motion. I’m putting forward a year of self improvement starting today. So who is with me? Who needed a pick me up or a reason to do better? Where are my fellow Scorpios? Now is the time to get our lives in order. I don’t want to detail the list of things that I am trying to accomplish because I want this to be about all of us manifesting our own goals. But there are two big, big, big goals I want to accomplish in 2017 and that is paying off debt and buying a house. These two things are a necessity and top priority for the year. I’m excited to start this journey and I hope you’ll be along for ride. Lets chat in the comments about what you’re trying to accomplish and lets encourage each other to do better. Cheers to a new year, new you!